I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
