White coat. Heels.
My room smells like vodka and shame
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
