I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
