dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Also, beer. Big fan.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
