so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
