dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
