whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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