I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
