so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
