have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
