i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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