My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
