I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
