you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
