I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
