the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
