Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
NoShamevember. You game?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
