I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
