if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
