He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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