I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
