i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
