I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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