all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
