Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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