The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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