my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
