Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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