after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
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