Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
