If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
