dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize