trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
