So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
