I must be too annoying 4 u.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The Olympian is in my bed
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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