I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
