I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
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he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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