i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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