I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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