She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Randomize
