i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
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