You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I want to make a zoo with you.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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