Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
nutella sex= disaster
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
