and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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