I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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