The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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