My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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