Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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