well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
