you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
