I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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