from now on my penis is your penis
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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