girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
