shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
two words: eviction party
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just blew my weed a kiss
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
