Swine flu. Run for my life!
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
