do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
