Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
