He asked me if I "almost moaned"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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