Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
