So drunk its hurt
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
