where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Operation Purity has been aborted
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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