Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
