Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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