textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just high enough for therapy.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
my liver is dry heaving
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
