you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
