this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
