Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
