Pants 0. Shit 1.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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