Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
