Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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