The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
