Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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