Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
