i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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