well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
