the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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