dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He shit in the fireplace
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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