ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
