i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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