i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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