why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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