I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
