I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We left the knife in your bed.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?