It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
