Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(507): View more from Minnesota

Redeem this text for a blowjob

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(507): Redeem this text for a blowjob http://tfl.nu/3lns

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(407): View more from Florida

he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse

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(407): he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse http://tfl.nu/je2y

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(585): View more from New York

there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer

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(585): there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer http://tfl.nu/kyu0

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(281): View more from Texas

I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.

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(281): I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover. http://tfl.nu/wpfj

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(303): View more from Colorado

Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...

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(303): Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked... http://tfl.nu/a2s8

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(416): View more from Toronto

Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...

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(416): Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card... http://tfl.nu/vpen

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(763): View more from Minnesota

chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30

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(763): chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30 http://tfl.nu/6e6v

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(604): View more from British Columbia

Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP

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(604): Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP http://tfl.nu/30gs

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(646): View more from New York

still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious

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(646): still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious http://tfl.nu/u252

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(630): View more from Illinois

Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"

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(630): Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later" http://tfl.nu/rgop

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(573): View more from Missouri

Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something

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(573): Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something http://tfl.nu/61ie

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(209): View more from California

we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin

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(209): we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin http://tfl.nu/oa4p

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(707): View more from California

That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on

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(707): That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on http://tfl.nu/xdbh

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen

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(610): Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen http://tfl.nu/wlxj

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(816): View more from Missouri

Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me

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(816): Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me http://tfl.nu/eiw2

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